Yes. Sometimes I don't even know what to say to God. So I just sit there in his love and absorb it. I just talked to him for a bit. I said I am so sorry for all the horrid things I have done. I've acted like a piece of garbage. When I am a precious daughter of the most awesome lover of all time. I was like "God... just hold me. I don't even have words to say. .. I don't even have rational coherent thoughts at this point.... I'm just... here. And I love you... or I'm trying to learn how to. But u are so majestic, and your love and grace are unfathomable. I am only a sinful fleshly human. And I cannot comprehend. Please just scoop me up in your arms and envelope me in your love. Please god just..... BE With me. I'm sorry for my failures, and I am sorry that in some unimaginable way.... your absolute total complete magnificentness is just... there. And my small mind can't understand or see it all. And I just... fail to be as motivated and inspired as I should be in my circumstances in life. Lord I beg you for enlightenment. We beg you for clarity and motivation. And wisdom father because YOU KNOW how desperately we seriously need that from you. Abba, father, .... please just hold my hand and stroke my hair and forgivingly, .. mercifully... please I beg you to just cover me in love and wrap me in yourself while I sleep and prepare to try again tomorrow.
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Reflections on a Year of Nature.
Hi! Long time no write! Ive been living in the woods for the past year working at a wilderness treatment center for teenage boys. Reflections: The frugality and the greenness of it all was great! Working in four day shifts with two days off and showering and eating 90% of meals there was great for my budget! I love how the high intensity and deepness of the job made me focus on so many things I would miss outside of camp.
Nature.
The close contact with nature was beautiful. I saw beautiful little lizards everywhere in the spring. The skies were always heavenly morning and night, and I saw tons of spiders and insects I had never seen before and I could just really connect, and feel that God was a beautiful artist creator who had intricately planned every living thing. In the crazy aggressiveness and stress of the job I didn't have time to be concerned about normal things, technology, my appearance, what the rest of the world was doing, but I did find that nature was a great escape for me! If I had just been cursed out or threatened, there was always a lizard or butterfly, beautiful clouds, or playful squirrels to observe and grin at. I found that the wilderness was therapeutic for the boys as well. I had many bonding moments with kids, asking questions about animals or plants or just observing. God walked with me and romanced me through the battlefields of camp! Hiking up to the shower house at nights(not many of them!) was spooky at first, seeing golden eyes in the woods and hearing rustling of leaves, but those hikes became my time to walk with God. I imagined him holding my hand, protecting, reassuring and stargazing with me. There were rarely times where there wasn't a magnificent moon and a spectacular glittering sky that took my breath away. There are certain moments that stand out in my mind. Being on the canoe trip and observing thousands of red and yellow spiders that literally made me shake because they were so pretty and so scary to me! (Didn't help they were falling on us and crawling in our boats constantly!) The canoe trip down the Edistoe was remarkable, even at night and even in the swamp areas, they were beautiful! When I laid down after a hard day in my cot and put the front tent flaps up, it started to sprinkle and the rain was misting into my tent onto my toes! It felt like God was putting little kisses on them. When I saw squirrels relentlessly playing games everyday with each other! It was amazing. I saw a lot of beautiful nature out there and I grew closer connected to God and my soul, I felt more myself breathing so much outside air and soaking in the woods!
I just recently quit this job to do ministry and as I sipped this coffee I wanted to reflect on how good it felt to live outside! I miss the sun beating down on my skin, the cool breezes, but being as its winter now I am not missing the frozen ears, toes, nose, and fingers, wearing so many layers you can barely move, and washing my hands at a frigid water spigot! However, I do miss the deep winter sleep I got there in the cold! unmatchable! I realized through this experience this year that sometimes living simpler and greener is better done... outside. : )
Nature.
The close contact with nature was beautiful. I saw beautiful little lizards everywhere in the spring. The skies were always heavenly morning and night, and I saw tons of spiders and insects I had never seen before and I could just really connect, and feel that God was a beautiful artist creator who had intricately planned every living thing. In the crazy aggressiveness and stress of the job I didn't have time to be concerned about normal things, technology, my appearance, what the rest of the world was doing, but I did find that nature was a great escape for me! If I had just been cursed out or threatened, there was always a lizard or butterfly, beautiful clouds, or playful squirrels to observe and grin at. I found that the wilderness was therapeutic for the boys as well. I had many bonding moments with kids, asking questions about animals or plants or just observing. God walked with me and romanced me through the battlefields of camp! Hiking up to the shower house at nights(not many of them!) was spooky at first, seeing golden eyes in the woods and hearing rustling of leaves, but those hikes became my time to walk with God. I imagined him holding my hand, protecting, reassuring and stargazing with me. There were rarely times where there wasn't a magnificent moon and a spectacular glittering sky that took my breath away. There are certain moments that stand out in my mind. Being on the canoe trip and observing thousands of red and yellow spiders that literally made me shake because they were so pretty and so scary to me! (Didn't help they were falling on us and crawling in our boats constantly!) The canoe trip down the Edistoe was remarkable, even at night and even in the swamp areas, they were beautiful! When I laid down after a hard day in my cot and put the front tent flaps up, it started to sprinkle and the rain was misting into my tent onto my toes! It felt like God was putting little kisses on them. When I saw squirrels relentlessly playing games everyday with each other! It was amazing. I saw a lot of beautiful nature out there and I grew closer connected to God and my soul, I felt more myself breathing so much outside air and soaking in the woods!
I just recently quit this job to do ministry and as I sipped this coffee I wanted to reflect on how good it felt to live outside! I miss the sun beating down on my skin, the cool breezes, but being as its winter now I am not missing the frozen ears, toes, nose, and fingers, wearing so many layers you can barely move, and washing my hands at a frigid water spigot! However, I do miss the deep winter sleep I got there in the cold! unmatchable! I realized through this experience this year that sometimes living simpler and greener is better done... outside. : )
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